Patricia McKnight's 'My Justice'
BOTH MEN & WOMEN CAN BE A VICTIM, ANY CHILD CAN BE A VICTIM; ANY PERSON CAN BE AN OFFENDER!!!
1) If you have just been harmed, physically or sexually attacked, please call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency response number if outside the U.S.
2) Remember that your body is now EVIDENCE!!! Do not shower, Do not change clothes until you have been checked out by a medical forensics team and they have collected the EVIDENCE your offender has left on your body!!!
3) It is important to make a full police report of any attacks you suffer!!! This gives photographed and recorded proof of the attack so the offense can be charged and prosecuted. If we do not report these acts from our partners, parents, others who are close to us, then there can be no prosecution or end to these crimes.
**Call one of the HOTLINE NUMBERS above to reach a counselor immediately**
Most of us have seen some form of Interpersonal Violence/Dating Violence/Family Violence…….
It’s not a joke when there is control in a relationship through degradation, control, manipulation, violence or fear. As an outsider to this demonstration of power over another, we only see the mild part of this violence. When the family or couple is within the privacy of their home it can explode into severe physical battery, verbal intimidation or degradation; perhaps weapons may be involved or other acts of attempted murder.
At least THREE WOMEN & ONE MAN ARE MURDERED EVERYDAY BY ACTS OF RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE!! What if the appropriate cause of death is not documented properly? I believe there are many more cases, because as we know; there is not always a murderer found to charge for the crime and many bodies go missing!!!
Many of us who accept this type of behavior and control from others do so because it’s what we know as normal. There are many men & women who were abused as children who live in the trained pattern of accepting the verbal, physical and sexual attacks against them without ever reporting it to anyone, without seeking needed medical treatment, without ever displaying to their family and friends that something horrible is happening within their home or relationship.
Remember - ALL human beings are given a protected Universal Human Right to be SAFE!!
A few things to look for in persons being harmed, controlled, terrorized
1) Jumping into action the moment their abuser makes a request.
2) Kept on a very restricted financial allowance for household needs, clothing, household needs, children or school necessities.
3) They may reject or avoid any phone calls or time alone with you
4) Often show changes in behavioral, clothing, or hair style habits.
5) Often refrain from voicing any opinion or thought during discussions
6) Easily startled or may even cower when someone reaches for them
7) They may receive or make constant check in calls or text messages
8) They commonly demonstrate panic if things are not kept in perfect order, including all schedules, keeping children quiet; avoiding any disruptions that could set off an attack
***REMEMBER ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM OF VIOLENCE REGARDLESS OF AGE OR GENDER
More than not, according to Department of Justice reports and National Coalition Against Domestic Violence; these crimes have increased from 19.3 per 1000 in 2010 to now 22.5 per 1000 in 2011. On average 1 in 4 women and 1 in 33 males are reporting some form of intimate violence or rape. In 2006, females were 84% of the victims in spousal abuse and 86% were victims of a boyfriend or dating partner. The Center for Disease and Control Prevention estimates an average of $8.3 BILLION each year is spent helping victims of this type of violence and abuse rebuild and recover from the trauma.
When there is a dominating personality in the home, children will most often become victims from the emotional impact of fear and worry for the other parent, which is most often their mother. The children hear the fighting and will usually gather together in an enclosed area, such as a closet, so they can hide from the possible eruption of severe violence. This leaves an impression on them for a lifetime. The dysfunction in their own relationships with other children in school, with team mates in sports activity, or in their dating relationships; they either fall prey to allowing others to control them or they become the dominating personality. There is no sure way to determine which outcome will play in your children; it depends on rescue, intervention, level of violence, and the child themselves.
As a society of neighbors, friends, family; it is our responsibility to be aware of how severe the violence or even threats of harm can be to the victim and the children. We are responsible for calling or offering help when we suspect there may be some form of violence within a relationship or family unit. When we ignore the signs and the possibilities of Family Violence, Relationship Violence, Interpersonal Violence between our teens in their social settings; we become tools of this violence by permitting it to continue. Victims may often wonder why their family or close friends don't see what's happening and ask about their safety or the welfare of the children. This deepens the feeling of isolation and control, because the victim will believe no one cares and there will never be help or rescue.This in turn will heighten the instinct of submission, which will often keep them trapped in a dangerous relationship and increase the possibility of them becoming a statistic of the murdered or missing.
Another example to the extreme; ‘One person in the relationship is AFRAID to make any type of plans or decisions for the household without first getting permission to do so from the dominating partner.’ This could be as simple as what’s for dinner, what time the kids need to be in their room and out of the way, what type of clothing you wear, how your hair is styled, if the house is clean enough, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING CAN SET OFF A VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ATTACK. We, as human beings, all deserve to have our environment safe for us to live and to achieve our own possibilities.
Our country didn’t begin recognizing these violent and sexual attacks against partners/spouses/children until 1994 when then Senator Joe Biden presented to Congress the Violence Against Women Act of 1994. The written structure of the requested reauthorization in 2013 for the first time in history includes the language of 'Male' to be seen as victims of this growing crime and to be provided with the same resources of help as women. Most centers however do not have a trained staff member to handle the specifics of MALE VICTIMS so the training, education, and development of resources will grow as more men become aware and are not afraid to seek refuge, help, and legal guidance for inflicted abuse/violence against them.
We must learn to defend ourselves and our children; we also must learn the responsibility of maintaining a home, food, clothing, employment, day care and other needed living resources to remain free from any continued acceptance of these offenses. There are millions of victims who remain in these types of relationships and living environments mainly because of the financial dependence on their partner and the responsibility of providing for our children. It is a very heavy load to think of doing this by yourself, especially when you have been physically or verbally beaten down to believe you are incapable of being independent.
DO NOT BELIEVE THIS BRAINWASHING TACTIC!!! You are an individual, you have a brain, you can seek assistance with education and job training skills to allow you to develop the needed ability to live without accepting abuse. It is difficult, but it is your personal drive that will allow you to succeed. Never believe that you are trapped. It may take time for you to stash away some money, or to get enrolled in school or job training, and even to get through the legal process of separating from your abuser and the issue of child custody and support, but it is possible!!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE THE CRUCIAL CHOICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE AND GET OUT!!!
Always remember, if you have children and you live in a violent, degrading, or other type of controlling environment, this will impact their lives and their adult behaviors in relationships, as parents, and in social settings. Also if your partner/spouse is making threats against you, controlling all you do, even striking you or using weapons; there is a greater chance of direct abuse against your children, which most often the abuser will threaten them to keep silent about anything that happens, even possible sexual harm. Don’t brush away and ignore the controlling signs of violence. These small acts will escalate and you will find yourself constantly struggling to meet the ordered needs of this partner. However it will be increasingly impossible because the more they see you respond to their needs, the more needs they will develop. This is out of a need for power. Although they may blame it on your inadequate behaviors, (ie) “if you wouldn’t have done this, or if you would have done that"; type of reaction, "then I wouldn't have to hit you". Their need to see your fear, intimidation, or have you under their control has absolutely nothing to do with you. It's about what they can MAKE you do and the FEAR they can see in your eyes. It will be this way against your children as well. Consider the fact you are a human being; you have a functioning brain and although difficult you will absolutely survive without this type of monster in your life.
Once they hit you the first time, the second hit is much easier to inflict.
When young children are exposed to a violent environment; they become fearful of yelling, cower from anyone who reaches for them, they may demonstrate a stressed behavior of acting out or they behave perfectly. (ie) A three year old who lives in an environment where they feel afraid will control their behavior to not speaking around the abuser/aggressor; they may have problems such as ADHD or other behavioral disorders; CAREFUL, THESE ARE OFTEN SIGNS OF EARLY ONSET PTSD!! young children and teens show signs of depression or lack of interest in school activities, low grades on homework. This is typically because their mind is busy worrying about what might happen next. If there have been threats with weapons or verbal outbursts of death threats, then the child is left wondering if they are going to be killed. How can a child flourish in this type of environment? How can anyone live comfortably without fear or worries, when their homes become the most dangerous place in the world? Teens, especially inner-city areas, will fall prey to gangs and our daughters become prey for pimps, rapists, or tolerating all of these vicious types of attacks by their dating partner. Children growing up in this type of home, without early intervention or support, will grow up tolerating the same type of violence and placing their children in the same type of home. It is our never ending human cycle - Our greatest human tragedy which affects 1 in 3 people from every ethnicity, gender, economic standing, or religion.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE(1-800-799-7233)
On this link you can find out how to make a safety plan and escape your violent partner. Please seek help and get out safely. If you don't do it for yourself, please do it for your children!!
All information on this website is licensed by the official copyright of Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Author Patricia A. McKnight
All artwork on this website is licensed by the official copyright of "Michal Madison Art"
Child Abuse Survivor
Disfiguring Neglect, Trafficking
Sexual, Emotional, Financial, Control, Degradation, Captivity,
1) You have the right to seek your own goals and achieve them.
2) You have the right to be safe in your home.
3) You have the right to speak your voice without fear of attack.
4) You must believe in your own independence
5) You can find the strength to escape and be free!!
Wake Up Today and Chase After Your Tomorrow!!
Surveys find that men and women assault one another and strike the first blow at approximately equal rates.
(Archer, J. (2000).
YOUR RELATIONSHIP RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS
It is when we finally break through the barriers of our abuser's enforced & threatened silence, that we can begin to heal. The first time is very difficult. Victims and Survivors take a huge risk in asking for help. They face societal judgments, doubts of ability in their professional career, their friendships, love relationships, and even questions of their sanity. If you or someone you know has suffered these traumatic attacks and painful memories, please use your greatest tool to take back control over your life; please use your voice. I have learned the hard way, through addictions, attempted suicide, and emotional breakdowns; the only way to actually heal is to talk with someone you trust. The more often you are able to break down those walls built of fear & silence, the more powerful you will become. You will feel confident again and in this rebuilding you will begin to find your true inner self and escape their nightmare of trained behaviors, which they have beaten or terrorized into you.
Helpful information to end repetitive patterns of violent situations:
It's way too easy to become prey for another abuser, because of the emotional wounding from the previous abuse. It's common to feel 'trained' and that this is 'what you deserve'. Abusive person's can see these traits in us and know just by the way you carry yourself if you are someone they can overpower. Remember they look for these types of persons; the one's who walk trapped inside shame & fear. An abuser cannot tolerate a strong personality, they cannot be with someone whom they cannot manipulate & control.
Signs an abusive person looks for in their next victim:
1) Lack of Self Confidence, slumped sunken posture rather than a strong confident nature
2) Quiet about sharing thoughts and opinions, afraid others will say they're 'stupid'
3) Stepping out of the way for others, standing in the shadows
4) Submissive in nature to avoid confrontation for fear of being harmed or disappointing anyone.
Protect yourself and your value as a human being. The only person who has control over your dreams is you. When you believe in your ability, take the steps to achieve your dreams; then your transformation will take form and you will become an incredible new butterfly!!!
~~'Always believe anything is possible with you in the active equation of life' ~~