McKnight is now an outspoken advocate against the crimes of abuse and violence, which attack within the walls built to protect us. Through speaking to various empowerment groups, church organizations, community based resources, she hopes to educate others in our society of the darkest of human evil. Tricia knows, like many others, that sometimes our homes can be the most dangerous place of all.
It is her emotional attachment to the severity of these crimes that allows her to be a devoted advocate and emotional speaker. She provides insight as a “Conqueror Over Abuse” to help us understand the deep impact of living in a "trained" pattern of accepting this brutality.
Ms. McKnight is the author of “My Justice”, which is her own true horror story of a life stolen by abuse. She is the Founder & Manager of Survivor’s World, a women’s online private support group. She is a warrior in the mission to end Interpersonal Violence, Bullying, Teen Dating Violence and keeping our homes safe while we empower children to find their voice and speak against the abusers, predators and pedophiles.
Along with being a devoted advocate against abuse,
Ms. McKnight is also a voice for survivors who have suffered through the long term impact of being a victim of abuse and/or violence. She shares her experience in dealing with the lifelong issues of P.T.S.D.; Depression; Anxiety Disorder; Dissociation; Drug and Alcohol Addiction and using the power of creativity to heal and move forward.
Tricia is sharing her learned and studied expertise in how to gain your freedom from abuse/violence. She provides you with positive coping tools so you too can finally find a way through the dark storms of being a survivor and gain some sense of peace to light your way through the tunnel of nightmares. Through the voice of a “Hero”, you too will grow your self confidence and begin to take back the life of happiness you deserve.
Tricia hopes to inspire the millions of silent survivors to break through the cage of secrets. She strives to empower victims with belief in their voice. This survivor wants you to hold strong to the spirit within and become the beautiful blossoming rose you were always meant to be!!!
"We all deserve roses in our garden of
Authorhouse.com/bookstore to purchase your copy.
Also available through Amazon.com/BN.com/Lulu.com
Paperback from just $16.25
Ebook at $2.99
Kindle & Nook Versions Also Available
You Can Read the First Five Chapters Free
with the Inside the Book feature on Amazon and Barne's & Noble
Welcome to the introduction for Patricia A. McKnight!!
If you have been
attacked please follow these few important steps:
1) If you have just been harmed, physically or
sexually attacked, please call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency response
number if outside the U.S.
2) Your body is now EVIDENCE!!!
Do not shower, Do not change clothes until you have been checked out by a medical
forensics team and they have collected the EVIDENCE your offender has left on
3) Make a full police report of any
attacks you suffer!!! This gives photographed and recorded proof of the attack
so the offense can be charged and prosecuted. If we do not report these acts
from our partners, parents, others who are close to us, then there can be no
prosecution or end to these crimes.
**Call one of the HOTLINE NUMBERS above to reach a counselor immediately**
"My Justice" - Taking back my power by removing the coal stained hand which held me captive
No More Secrets Kept
Positive Thoughts For You
You DESERVE a safe place to sleep
You DESERVE respect
You DESERVE kindness and support
You DESERVE as much love as you freely give to others
You DESERVE roses in your garden of life
copy righted in "My Justice" Feb. 2011
All information and artwork on this site is copyright under
the official copyrighit protection act and registered under Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery website. Please respect the efforts and hardwork to provide all information on this site. Thank you, Patricia A. McKnight Jan 2013
"Nothing so powerful since 'A Boy Called It' by the incredible Dave Pelzer" Debra Mize
Violence Prevention Center of SW IL, Director of Prevention & Education- Certified Life Coach; Metamorphosis
"Since first reading this story back in March 2012, I've been using Ms. McKnight's 'My Justice' as part of my curriculum in teaching my students of Marriage & Family Therapy. It is truly an emotionally engaging autobiography with a specific look into the daily survival of a child who is trapped within the unimaginable cruelty of her parents and then goes on to become a victim of repeated violent and dysfunctional relationships." Dr. Brenda Joyce Orozco Markert-Green, Owner & CEO at Afterglow Counseling, Mediation & Family Services, Trainer for American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy, Educator and Adjunct Faculty Board Member of La Sierra University, located in Riverside, California
"Patricia McKnight's deeply inspired 'My Justice' is a book of novels because through it, many individuals directly and indirectly who were once prisoners of abuse have learned to find the courage to find their voice, break the chains of abuse, and realize that they are in fact their own architects capable of building their own Cathedrals of Hope" - Peter Thomas Senese, Best Selling Author & Founder I CARE Foundation
"As an active member in the Retired Teachers Association and with the mentoring of upcoming educators now in college, there is not enough I can say about how this book has changed my entire thinking process. ‘My Justice’ is a book which I highly recommend for anyone who spends time with children.’
Ms. Linda Walcher
From the Author Ms. Patricia A. McKnight; "‘The purpose for publishing ‘My Justice’ was a need to explain and apologize to my children for the many broken repeated violent relationships I engaged in, which have left their own wounds. The bitter truth is there was never any legal form of justice to come from all the years, but I needed to release myself from the hand covering my mouth and holding me captive in dysfunctions and madness all these decades. Finding justice through the power of your voice is possible, freedom from the nightmarish acts of abuse is possible. Simply take back your power through the strength of your voice."
When a book is written by someone who found the courage to stand up and find freedom, it is a book of courage. When that person embraces their courage and actually helps others it is a book that may create miracles. This is true of my dear friend Patricia A. McKnight and 'My Justice'. How many of us are fortunate and blessed by Trish and her Butterfly ways? I for one stand up and affirm that Trish has changed my life, my family's life, and the world of abducted children I have dedicated a portion of my life to. Thank you my dear friend for being you
Peter Thomas Senese
Patricia A. McKnight
Child Abuse Survivor - 12 years
Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Trafficking & Disfiguring Neglect which has left her scarred for life.
Domestic Violence Survivor - 20 yrs.
Physical, Emotional, Financial, Sexual, Captivity & Attempted Murder
Patricia 'Trish' McKnight has come from a life filled with torture. At just five years old the loved & joyful child she was then changed in an instant as the man her mother chose to marry brutally attacked the little girl with 'Dancing Blue Eyes'. She remembers that first attack as if it were yesterday. The smell of beer on the monsters breath. The thick hands he used to pin her up against the couch. Her brother forced to stand on his head in the corner and watch as the monster probed her little body, in her vagina and all over her breasts; forcing his tongue in her mouth causing her to gag as if she wanted to puke.
This was his first attack of brutal molestation, but it certainly would not be his last. Now he was her 'New Dad' as her mother had said. Her child mind couldn't absorb never seeing her father & grandmother again; 'My dad is wonderful, I don't want a new dad!!' Her mother never listened to her daughter's little voice again.
Mother would never say 'I love you' again. She would never hug her child again or allow her to snuggle in tight beside her. Mother watched as the monster took over complete control of her daughter's life. She allowed him to sneak into her room, to come into the bathroom as if the girl needed help to bathe. Mother allowed him to lay in bed naked with her, and in fact, punished 'Trecia Ann' when she first walked in and found them there in her own bed. The monster was completely naked. His erection was firm and rubbing against the child's body. He was right there and ready to insert, but then suddenly Mother was standing at the door. She looked at her daughter, just nine years old, yelled and sent her away for the night.
For twelve long years, 'Trecia Ann' as the family called her, would be the trained as their slave. She cooked, cared for her younger sister and was the one scrubbed every nook and cranny of the house. 'Trecia Ann' was the one who was forced to answer the ring of his little brass bell. She was raped with a his favorite shotgun barrel, handed out as a party favor to the adult men and school mates who attended the marijuana and alcohol filled parties. Her mother allowed him to take the child on their dates, find her men and teach her how to entice them with her young developing body. She was forced to give oral sex, beaten, molested, and tortured by his evil sadistic sexual attacks. All of this brutal behavior while her mother, the school officials, the community where they lived for nine consecutive years; all witnessed or took part as she physically rotted away in her mother's refusal to see her own daughter as human.
'Trecia Ann' contracted an impetigo like infection which began eating away at her young body at just 12 years old, when she made the choice not to bathe. Her home wasn't safe to bathe in because Mother never stopped the monster from trapping the young girl in his favorite room of torture. The infection grew worse throughout five years of not bathing. The filth crusted around her hairline, knees, ankles, filling every crevice of this beautiful girl's skin. Although the family had the best medical insurance possible, her mother could not be bothered by the disgusting rot of her own child. She saw no value in her daughter. The child was taught to be an object & a slave; no love or affection would come into her life until she was a grown woman & grandmother. This beautiful little girl would grow with a spirit of compassion like no other, despite all of those who let her down and discarded the child as the 'Village Whore' rather than provide any help or hope for rescue.
The woman she became was trained to tolerate all these evil acts. She endured beatings of brutal force, many attempts to take her life. The men who came into her world were simply an addition to the monster's torture. 'Trish' was how she introduced herself now, trying desperately to disengage from the person her parents created. She became a mom to three of her own children. Sadly, as she went from one abusive relationship to the next, her own children would be trapped to watch as their mother was beaten, thrown, strangled, kicked, punched and threatened many times with weapons of murder. 'Trish' like many other abused victims, couldn't see then how the violence against her was impacting the lives of her children. The phone call came and she broke down in tears, as her youngest went crying to the teacher about the stepfather who was going to 'blow them all away with his rifle'. This was it. This was her wake up call. This is when she knew she had to get them out and end the ongoing cycle of tolerance and acceptance of the many years of crimes she had endured.
Today this woman has been called a 'Hero' by other survivors. She has been called a conqueror over their torture and evil. However; Trish is just thankful to be alive. 'It is by the grace of Creator above' she says that has brought her to this path. It is an amazing path for our society and for those who are still trapped in the heavy burden of secrets and shame from the evil inflicted by family & partners. There is nothing more evil than what mankind forces on their own children. There is nothing more brutal than the mother trapped in the beatings because she cannot afford to escape and if she did, where would she go and how would she support them all? This is the life of many still today. This is the life children have to face every morning as they wake to prepare for school wondering if anyone will see the bruises from the rape they endured at their own monster's hands the night before.
We are a society trained in tolerance throughout generations of enforcing control by brutal force and disgusting sadistic attacks on those we should love and protect. Today I give crisis support through personal online messages, Survivors World support group, and phone calls with victims & survivors trying to escape; to find their own healing journey and learn to see who they really are inside. The violence, control, and rape by those within our home, our parents & our partners, this is the type of evil that destroys the person you are inside. Learning to heal is a process of looking deep within to find your own feelings; what makes you happy, what's your favorite color; what's your favorite hair style? Healing is a journey to understand the wounds we carry and how to cope with the memories as they pop into our minds trying to take away the safe circle of life we are building today. Everyone is capable of healing. Everyone is capable of escaping the person the monster's created and rebuild yourself into the person you want to be. We are all able to build our own dreams, to live them and seek them. We are all able to create our own true magic and allow it to be a guiding light of compassion and safety for others. If we can hang onto the one single strand of hope in our heart today, then all of us will find a way to provide a new life of happiness and safety for our children tomorrow. I truly believe that we are all capable of finding our own path to live strong & fly free without fear of those within our home; to live your own life and be safe in your own new family and circle of friends. Their abuse & torture does not have the power to take away who you are inside. Be stronger than their inflicted evil and rise above it all to see your own true beauty within.
Patricia A. McKnight;
Author/Advocate/Inspirational Speaker/Talk Radio Prod & Host/Survivor
Founder/C.E.O. Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio
Here are just a few of the amazing Five Star Reviews for 'My Justice'
A collection of the first reviews ever written for 'My Justice'
My Justice by Patricia A. McKnight
My Justice, a memoir by Patricia A. McKnight, is a harrowing story of unrelenting child abuse and life-threatening domestic violence. The author says that she initially hoped her book would open lines of communication between her and her adult children, a generation affected by the ramifications of trauma. Then, Patricia realized that abuse is an unaddressed epidemic, and her family was a microcosm of the problems that plague our society. She chose to offer a solution by making her personal story a publication that serves to educate and empower.
Even a seasoned reader of memoirs about trauma will feel the suffering of the narrator, an innocent child who experienced emotional cruelty, medical/dental neglect, and sexual abuse. Her father abandoned her, her step-father abused her, and her mother neglected her. Imagine wondering if this is the night your step-father is going to kill you, then trying to concentrate in school the next morning, then being the house-maid and nurse-maid when it’s time to be doing your own homework then being chastised for not having her assignments done on time. No child can be expected to carry-on like this for 12 years! Yet, no one seemed to notice the bruises, skin rashes, and tooth decay, obvious outer wounds that reflected the inner pain of a lost and alone child. Teachers ignored her and classmates harassed her. Trecia felt condemnation based on fear instead of compassion full of love. She also carried the burden of guilt and shame as well as the responsibility to keep the secrets of the disturbed and dysfunctional “family” she so desperately needed to survive because no one intervened!
McKnight uses details, descriptions, and a direct writing model to convey the terror of her childhood and young adulthood. The style seemed stream-of-consciousness, as if telling a story all in one breath. While reading, I held my breath, waiting to exhale. Sometimes the tense changed suddenly from past to present, indicating that emotions are not orderly concepts like chronological time. Sometimes a paragraph was written in 1st person with a sudden shift to “you” statements, as if the narrative was too hard for the author to relive in “I” statements. (First you live through it, then you experience it again when writing, and at different levels of consciousness.) Yet the readers’ final exhalation may be a sigh of relief; despite the torture and toxicity Trecia survived.
My Justice is not only a memoir; it is a call to action. In her own words Patricia A. McKnight implores people to “be the extended arm of help to anyone suffering from the impact of family violence or abuse.” She lives by shining example, offering words of encouragement and opportunities for enlightenment on the subjects of child abuse, rape, incest, and domestic violence. To tell a story about good versus evil, it takes courage to face fears, compassion for oneself and others, and a conviction to tell the truth. Bravo Ms. McKnight!
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, advocate and author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, founder of Project4TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
KEEPING INCEST A SECRET EATS AT YOU & TEARS YOU APART
“I believe when you are attacked, either as a child or as an adult, that you are put in a position of choice. You can either allow it to consume you and watch it destroy you or you can fight against it. Only you can make yourself develop the courage to overcome it and talk about it openly. When you carry it as a secret it will eat at you and continue to tear you apart.” (Patricia A. McKnight, My Justice, 2011)
With these words, Patricia, one of the bravest women I know, brings the last few pages of her real life story of abuse and incest to a close. I have never met Patricia in person. We are friends on Facebook now, but my first encounter with her came when I was researching incest on YouTube and found her video that I shared in this earlier blog post here. As she gave a few details of the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her step-father for 12 years, I was shocked, but compelled to read her book, My Justice, available as an eBook at LULU.COM, or as a soft cover at Amazon and other online sites.
As someone who is now writing her own story of incest, I had to know how she wrote her story and how much detail she provided. As a fellow survivor, I had to know about the reactions of her family, friends and others had to her terrible disclosures and most importantly, what have been the long-term effects of the dreadful abuse she suffered, not just at the hands of her father but several other abusers who took over where her step-father left off.
My Justice wasn't an easy read, for me, not so much for the violence Patricia suffered (which was often-times horrific) but for what it said about her own mother's denial, ignorance, and lack of love and support for this poor child with the brilliant blue eyes. Throughout her 40 + years of abuse, Patricia tried time and again to win and hold onto her mother's love. She desperately wanted a good relationship with her mother, some acknowledgement that "Trecia" was indeed a good person to whom bad things had happened at the hands of her own husband. And her mother never, to this day, gave her that vital pleasure. This mother, for me, is as loathsome as the step-father. In the criminal justice system, people are charged, tried and convicted for aiding and abetting a crime. I can think of Patricia's mom in no other terms: she aided and abetted this ugly, abusive step-father who took her virginity by ramming a rifle up his step-daughter's vagina! Patricia's mother stood beside this monster till his death, but she never once stood up for or protected her daughter. For me, this is the saddest part of My Justice.
The last few pages also drove home another ugly fact about incest when the family doesn't know the details, or when it does, turns a blind eye toward the truth. The accuser becomes the accused: the abuser is believed over the abused. What's wrong with this picture! In my Facebook group, SPEAK OUT FROM UNDER, it's heartbreaking to learn from other victims that this is the reaction in their families too. We rail against the honour killings in other cultures, but by insisting incest and child sexual abuse be covered up, hushed up, not talked about, how different are we? These children die too ... just more slowly. It may not be a physical death, but unless they can open up and someone believes them, they die mentally and spiritually. Death by the long term incarceration of silence as opposed to hanging. Which is worse?
And then there's the effects on the children of an abused parent. It's heart-breaking to read how Patricia's past has negatively affected her relationships with her daughters. Her past made Patricia ill-equipped to handle the ups and downs of motherhood, though it's obvious she loved her children more than herself. Sadly, they don't see it that way. They saw her constant searching for a kind, non-abusive male companion as whoring. At one point, her own children were now calling her what her abuser had called her: a dirty, ugly whore.
How Patricia has survived all this mental, physical, spiritual and sexual abuse is something only she knows. It's something each of us who have gone through similar, easier or worse, knows. We all have different levels of strength and resolve. Some of us can take more, some less. Some of us can come out from under enough to talk about it privately, or as Patricia and I am now doing, publicly. But it's never easy and even after it's done, it's still fraught with anxiety, worry and insecurity that we are doing the right thing by talking about it at all. But silence is deadly.
I thank Patricia for showing me the way with her book. While I had decided to write my own book before I'd ever heard of her, MY JUSTICE has given me the courage to continue writing. My conversations with Patricia via Facebook and private emails have shown me the beautiful, caring person she is and has always been. She is a classic example of what it's like when bad things happen to good people but she has come out on top and is now devoting her life to helping others who are suffering as she did. I urge you to not just read Patricia's book, but to join her newest site at PATRICIA MCKIGHT'S JUSTICE and to follow her blog at SURVIVOR'S JUSTICE.
Don't let YOUR secret "eat at you and continue to tear you apart." As Patricia says in the final line of her book:
“If your world is not what you want, then I hope that you can find the strength to survive and move forward away from the pain.”
COME OUT FROM UNDER!
Viga Boland; Author "No Tears for My Father' http://vigaland.blogspot.com/2012/11/keeping-incest-secret-eats-at-you-tears.html