Welcome to Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery!!!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! You will rebuild and recover with support, understanding, friendship, guidance, and patience. The more traumatic, and the longer time spent in the threat of unwanted or un-understood sexual contact or physical harm, even ongoing emotional or verbal abuse; the longer it will take to work through the memories and fears. There is a lot of pain when you live as an abused or trafficked survivor. It is not easy to simply turn off the switch and pretend it never happened. You have probably encountered many things in everyday life which trigger the emotions of your past, but we cannot shut ourselves away in a closet, because life simply goes on, so finding tools to help us cope, understand and handle these stressors makes focusing on your healing & growth as a healthy member of society an important part of truly recovering.
We want to help everyone understand the lifelong impacts & the ongoing struggles of trying to function when there are so many secondary triggers. Keep in mind that like a war veteran who has suffered life threatening battles, a survivor of these types of ongoing daily personal attacks & control also suffer the emotional setbacks of Post Traumatic Stress, Depression, Anxiety, fears of what might happen next. The CDC supports the comparison of a child sexual abuse survivor, a trafficking survivor, a victim of daily emotional abuse, and constant life threatening relationship or family violence to suffer the same lasting effects as a longterm combat veteran. After all, haven't you been in a constant battle for your safety? Links for these reports and more are shared as you read on below.
Unfortunately someone trying to adjust & rebuild their life after these types of trauma, is in a spot of trying to gain some sense of self value as a human being. This is a very difficult place to be, as I've learned throughout my own experience. It is important for you to wake every morning, put both feet on the ground, and tell yourself 'I CAN DO THIS, I MATTER, MY HAPPINESS MATTERS, AND I CAN BE HAPPY TODAY'. Hang onto the hope of being in a better place, even if you don't know yet where that place might be. Life brings many pitfalls and stumbling points. Survivors, even myself, we go through battles of drug addictions, alcohol addictions, self loathing, disgusted by our own reflection; these are normal coping strategies used to help bury the pain and self hatred you feel inside. Remember not to condemn yourself because of these battles, but rather understand why you use them. Remember that you did not ask to be attacked or harmed, it is a choice that someone else made to act against you. Hang in there, it is not easy, but believe in your ability to conquer the demons and move forward each day one little baby step at a time.
**************************************************************************************************'Steps to Recovery' Some self-help tools to help you through the bad days & emotions
1)Make a list of long term goals;Try to put some thought into what you want to achieve in life. As with all beings, this will probably change as you go along, but get a starting point. Do you need an education or special training so that you can obtain a position to support yourself and your family? We all need a means of support in life, so think about where you would like to be in five years, then layout the steps one by one to get you there. (i.e. - I wanted to work in business management, so my first step was getting the training I needed to achieve that goal. To achieve that end goal I needed to get my GED then find a training school. This laid out the beginning steps for my focus, now think about where you would like to be in life.)2)Make a list of your daily goals;This can be anything from cleaning out closets, going to the grocery store, or checking into a school to begin those classes. Believe it or not, earning a paycheck can give you a feeling of accomplishment, value, self worth, even self respect. If you do not have a job at this time, its a good idea to include gaining employment on your list. If you have had to relocate to escape your abuser, moved away from parents or an abusive partner, you may want to have your goal list include such things as; finding work & shelter, or apply for assistance through the state to help with shelter and therapy services. These daily goal lists are important to keep you going. You will see yourself checking off your accomplished tasks. This is self rewarding. At the end of the day when you see that you can stay focused and complete tasks; you will quickly begin to realize just how capable you really are. You can, and will, begin your life over again.3)Start a Positivity List; This list is important for you to realize the good in you as an individual. You want to take a good look at yourself, not necessarily physical traits, but more about your inner person; such as, I can accomplish my daily goal lists. The positives added to your list are there to help when you feel overwhelmed or full of doubt. Carry your list with you at all times. Don't be afraid to put post-it notes up on your cabinets, mirrors, desk or work area. It helps give a boost every time you see them. It is common for our abusers to strip away our value and make sure we are dependent upon them; it keeps us in their control. However, you are rebuilding your life and you may have lost sight of how amazing you are. This is a tool which I've shared with almost every person I've helped and everyone who has used it has been able to start seeing a new self image begin to grow. If you are around family and friends who support your healing, even counselors or compliments from a supervisor can all be added to your Positivity List. This helps you see how others perceive your value, but there is no shame in seeing positives in yourself. Acknowledging just how wonderful you are is a sign of self respect, so don't hold back from giving yourself a little praise.
4) Learn About Your Wounds; It's important to understand how the abuse has affected the way you think about things and the time spent avoiding actions that remind you of the abuse or attack. There are many levels of emotional damage that come from the abuse. Every abuser is different, while they may have many of the same traits, their abuse is carried out in their own dark ways. This means that not every survivor is effected in the same way. We are all different souls with different tolerance levels. While one survivor may not suffer long lasting emotional wounds, others may be deeply affected and battle with Dissociative Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress, and other such challenging emotional wounding. The information I have studied to understand these many disorders, as I've worked with many different types of clients; I have always turned to National Institute of Mental Health or you may want to read the study about the comparison between war veteran emotional wounding & that of being a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse or severe Family/Relationship Violence.
Ask yourself these questions; it's important to understand what wounds you actually have and how they affect your life today. 1)Do you have issues with anxiety over small things that wouldn't seem important to a 'normal' person?
2)Do you wake with nightmares or have flashbacks which make you feel your life is still in danger?
3)Do you have those really down days and not sure why? These are all signs that your wounds are mental health scars such as; Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Generalized Anxiety because you were always living in high alert of the next action against you. It would be a huge help for you to find some form of mental health support, and maybe medications to help you cope. A support group and a therapist are always available through local shelter services or can be found by contacting your local area Department of Health & Human Services Office.The hardest step in your recovery is to search inside yourself. Find and treasure the piece of you taken so long ago; FIND YOUR VOICE!! Hold it tight, admire its power. This is your greatest healing tool.
When you finally break through the abuser's code of silence and speak of the harm you've endured, you will feel your power return. Remember the first time spoken is the hardest, but the more you discuss it with others who understand or who are supportive of your trauma; you will see it has less and less power over you. You are no longer trapped in their nightmare.
Some other helpful information about being in repetitive patterns of violent situations:
It's way too easy to become prey for another abuser, because of the emotional wounding from the previous abuse. It's common to feel 'trained' and that this is 'what you deserve'. Abusive person's can see these traits in us and know just by the way you carry yourself if you are someone they can overpower. Remember they look for these types of persons; the one's who walk trapped inside shame & fear. An abuser cannot tolerate a strong personality, they cannot be with someone whom they cannot manipulate & control. Signs an abusive person looks for in their next victim:1) Lack of Self Confidence, slumped sunken posture rather than a strong confident nature
2) Quiet about sharing thoughts and opinions, afraid others will say they're 'stupid'
3) Stepping out of the way for others, standing in the shadows
4) Submissive in nature to avoid confrontation for fear of being harmed or disappointing anyone.
Protect yourself and your value at all costs!!! Learn to complete the small daily tasks and gain back the confidence you need to become a productive, self-supporting, member of society. This will help prevent you falling back into that victim cycle and becoming prey for another abusive person.
The only person who has control over your dreams is you. When you begin to believe in your ability, take the steps to achieve your dreams; then your transformation will take form and you will become your own true thriver!!!
A Few Testimonials
Lynn C. Tolson "Beyond the Tears - A True Survivors Story".............Patricia McKnight has taken her advocacy for victims and battle for justice to a higher calling: by using a variety of internet sites and public speaking venues, she is able to provide hope, healing, education and empowerment. She is an activist who expends energy and enthusiasm to offer information via her personal experience and professional knowledge from, victim advocate training to public speaking engagements.
Ms. Debra Mize: Director Prevention & Education Against Domestic Violence
Violence Prevention Center SW IL; "Patricia McKnight's work has truly been an inspiration to
many victims as they make their journey to survivor. She has learned to take the
horror of what was done TO her and create a space of peace, healing and growth
for many through her writing, online presence and radio shows. People will learn
and live from her efforts and make a space where the pain has been to create a
Welcome to Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
YOU JUST TOOK THE VERY FIRST STEP IN REBUILDING YOUR LIFE
This is a self supported victim's resource dedicated to providing hope, help and healing for men, women and children dealing with some form of past or present abuse, violence or trafficking, while helping to build education & prevention within every small community.
TOGETHER WE ARE
**Connecting hearts & holding hands of help around the world**
Did you know there are presently about 50 million adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse in our society today? Did you know (1 in 3) children are being harmed in some form and 1593 deaths related to child abuse were reported in 2012? If your reading this information, chances are you are the voice of an abused, battered, or trafficked person. Let's not let it destroy another generation of our society. Recovery, Support & Prevention; it all begins with YOU!!!
The information on this site is written & created by a longtime abuse, violence, & child trafficking victim. 'Trish' has since achieved her sense of purpose, gained back control of her life. She has also taken her 40hr. Victim Advocate course & achieved her Certification as a Trainer for Human Trafficking 101. She has assisted approximately 110 men & women personally since November 2010. Through this information she hopes to help you rebuild from your trauma while also protecting a child or any victim of violence you may know.
Please scroll through the pages to see how this site can, and will, change your thoughts about these types of actions, especially those which are often kept quiet within family circles. Your story, your focus, your voice can help empower those in your community to understand the impacts, provide resources of support, and for family & friends to share empathy, but not sympathy, for the struggles survivors often deal with.
Exective Director of P. Luna Foundation
Funny, Patricia never does anything unless she does it with completion and excellence. I asked her to help me with our organization's Male Abuse Awareness Week Dec.1-8 campaign in 2013. She not only did a week of interviews on the BDRadio Show, she did two! She busted her butt finding and scheduling the right guests for the shows she did for us. I was in awe at the amount of dedication and hard work she put into it. On the air she is powerful and engaging. She knows how to deal with all types of people in interviews and gets the most out of them. A true professional.
As an author, I found her book to be a page turner and just as good as any best seller I have read. I was completely engaged in the story and the people she wrote about (including herself.) Not to mention the editing of the book was flawless and better than I have seen from any of the larger publishers.
As a friend she is very devoted and I my life is much richer with her in it.
Thank you Trish for being a champion for our cause to fight cruelty abuse and if there is anything you ever need from me, you know where I am. :) Petra Luna; PLuna Foundation
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Helping to inspire kindness, respect, and assisting another, just one little click at a time. All persons should live their own Butterfly Dreams.
All information on this website was written and prepared by Patricia 'Trish' McKnight
Founder & Owner: Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery
Information on this website is copyright protected under Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery, Nov.2012
No information on this site is to be rewritten or published without the written consent of owner. Use the sharing button options to pass this information on to someone in need of assistance or support.
All artwork via Michal Madison - Water Color Artist & Child Abuse Prevention Advocate
Federal E.I.N.# and Illinois Business License on file.
Meet 'Trish' McKnight
Author & Advocate
Get your copy of 'My Justice' today!! Trish's story has been used to help educate upcoming Marriage & Family Therapy Students, by
Dr. Brenda Joyce Markert-Green